Hardly Able to Breathe
by Ariaeris
Summary: Swept up in misunderstood love and childish pursuits of adult desires, we all try, lovelorn, to take a single breath before we sink back beneath the surface. For Kamerreon's Rare Slash Pairing Alphabet Challenge. James/Harry.
1. Drowning In Air

_**Hardly Able to Breathe**_

_Chapter 1: Drowning In Air_

_There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness. _

_- Friedrich Nietzsche_

* * *

Harry's lips were smoother than he expected. Then again, James normally did not make a habit out of snogging other boys, so he had been going into the whole thing blind, but the smooth, slightly-chapped texture of Harry's lips came as quite the nice surprise. Nice enough to dive back in for another and another in between catching his breath in fact.

As their third kiss broke, James could hear Sirius' outraged cries ringing form the Quidditch stands. With his emotions running high from their crushing defeat of Slytherin, James didn't even attempt to hide his smug grin as he nuzzled Harry's neck roughly. He knew that his playboy best friend had been eying the new transfer student for quite some time now, but James would be damned if he would even allow the two to be in the same room alone.

James frowned against Harry's shoulder, moving his broom parallel to Harry's sleeker one, wrapping a muscular arm around the slight seeker. Sirius would only break Harry's heart, wouldn't give him the love he deserved. James' arm tightened, pulling Harry closer until he was practically in his lap. He would never do that! He was the only one who could give Harry the love and devotion he deserved!

"Harry," James sighed, resting his cheek on top of his seeker's head. "Harryharryharry."

"James." The way Harry said his name, breathless as if overwhelmed with emotion, with passion, sent shivers up James' spine and his blood rushing south. He pulled back, anticipating gleefully the loving look that would be bestowed upon him by Harry's gorgeous emerald eyes, only to cringe back in shock at what he found.

Horror.

Pure, unadulterated horror. Harry's skin was bleach white, his eyes wide in terror. The mouth that James had just kissed was open in shock, in a silent scream. He was clutching onto his broom so tightly that he was shaking, but his piercing stare was focused solely on James' hazel eyes, unnerving the chaser.

Had he been mistaken? Did Harry really not love him like he thought he did? He… he couldn't be wrong though! Not even a day after he had transferred into Hogwarts, Harry had been trailing after James, watching him curiously as if he was some kind of walking, talking puzzle that needed solving.

Frankly, it had freaked James out a bit, but that apprehension had passed the first time Harry had smiled at him with unrestrained love. In a school filled with hormonal teenagers who were far too willing to sell their bodies and hearts out for momentary pleasure, the love-filled look that Harry had gifted him with had swept James away. Everything was erased at that moment: his previous girlfriends, the budding thoughts on what the dark looks filled with promises that Sirius kept gifting him with could mean, his relentless pursuit of Evans for the past few years…

It was gone, like ash to the wind, and his soul had been Harry's from that moment on.

They had been inseparable; some daring classmates even whispered that they were closer than the Marauders ever were. That was silly though: Harry got along great with the other Marauders (well, he did with Sirius and Remus, Peter… not so much), something that none of his other previous dates could boast about. Not to mention that he was the darling of Gryffindor; something about him was just perfectly suited for their house and they all knew it. Harry, slight, solemn, quiet Harry had somehow epitomized the Gryffindor ideal and they didn't even know how, nor did they care.

Harry was perfect, perfect in every way James could think of, so why was he looking so terrified because James had kissed him? Harry had been giving off all the right signals: the intimate touches, the secret glances, the loving looks they shared. He couldn't have misinterpreted all that!

"H-harry," James said shakily, reaching out to brush his hand against Harry's cheek, only to find pain lance through him as Harry flinched away. Why would Harry ever feel like he need to flinch away from him?

"James," Harry panted, and James was brought out of his painful musings at the ragged sound. James gasped, shocked at how fast Harry was losing color, swaying dangerously on his broom. "James, I…"

"Hey!" James shouted, swooping down below Harry and catching him before he could fall off his broom. He shifted awkwardly, settling Harry as comfortably as he could on his lap, and wrapped an arm tightly around his waist. "Don't worry, Harry. A quick trip to Madame Pomfrey and you'll be right as rain!"

Harry whimpered, turning to bury his face in James' chest. The chaser's breath caught and he mentally damned his teenage hormones. Dammit, why was he being tempted now of all times?

"I think anyone would need some medical attention after that last dive of yours; you almost smashed into the ground! It was like taking the Wronski Faint to the next level. I bet you gave me some gray hairs!" James laughed, rubbing Harry's hip reassuringly as the slighter boy whimpered once again. What was wrong with Harry? What could be causing him such pain?

James bit his lip guiltily. Had he caused this? Had he hurt Harry by kissing him? The thought was ridiculous, but…

"James," Harry rasped, and James's attention was instantly focused on the creature in his arms. "Get to… Lily…"

"Evans?" James asked, confused. "Why would I need to go to Evans? What you need is a Healer; Evans can visit you in the Hospital Wing."

"No!" Harry shouted, his eyes flaring and his voice rising as if he was possessed. "You must…" Harry coughed roughly, and James felt his heart freeze as Harry's pale hand was stained red with his blood. "You must go to Lily's… Lily's side. You must…"

"Harry," James said softly, torn between doing what the man he was falling in love with asked or continuing his flight to Madame Pomfrey, who he could see was rushing to get her things ready for an incoming sick patient. "I'm sorry."

"James?" Harry asked, trying to catch his eye, but he didn't have the strength to lift his head from James' chest, something that frightened both of them.

"What is most important to me is your safety," James said firmly, trying to hide the anxiety he felt as he flew carefully to Madame Pomfrey's side. "I will tell E- Lily to come by the Hospital Wing once you are safe."

"James…" Harry trailed off as James touched ground, settling Harry down gently on the grassy floor of the arena. James could spot Madame Pomfrey rushing across the pitch at a speed quite unexpected for one her age out of the corner of his eye, but all he could focus on was Harry, who was looking worse and worse as the second passed.

"You must," Harry tried once more, but James silenced him with a kiss. Harry whimpered, and James drew away, trying to smile reassuringly.

"Don't worry, Harry," James said soothingly as Madame Pomfrey finally reached the pair and started casting diagnostic spells. "Everything will be fine; I will not allow anything to hurt you, because you…"

"Mr. Potter!" Madame Pomfrey shouted, as the results of her spell appeared, written in jagged, crimson letters instead of their normal blue, reaching for James' shoulder. "You mustn't!"

Stunned, James could not help the rest of his sentence fall from his lips.

"…Are the person I love most in the world."

Harry's inhuman shrieks of pain rang throughout the pitch as the very fabric of reality was torn asunder.

* * *

Wow, _in media res_ for the win. I didn't waste any time jumping into this one, did I? And here I thought Ardent Argent was fast paced.

Anyway, this is the second pairing challenge I've done for my darling Kamerreon's pairing challenge, and it is obviously for the James/Harry pairing. So yes, the requisite warnings for incest. Well, actually, it was incest but, as you will see in the next chapter, the biological incest factor has been officially written out of the equation. Kinda.

The second chapter of Ardent Argent should be out soon, right after I get chapter five of Inexorable Inevitability done and maybe, just maybe, I'll churn out chapter five of Alexithymia. Don't hold me to it though; you should all know by now how random my updating schedule can be.

In any case though, reviews would be very much appreciated, and I will love you forever and ever and ever if you leave me a positive one (or at least one with constructive criticism)! Flames will be met with didactic essays on the nature of human morality of the Internet and how anonymity affects how we act, so I think we all want to avoid that fate. So, the correct thing to do is to obviously just tell me how I'd doing so far so I'll be encouraged to continue on!

That's all folks! Look out for more updates soon, especially on Christmas, where I'm planning on having an update for every single one of my fics that are multi-chaptered and unfinished!

'Til next time!

Ariaeris~


	2. Noxious

**_Hardly Able to Breathe_**

_Chapter 2: Noxious_

_Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of tyrants; it is the creed of slaves._

_-William Pitt_

* * *

_September, 1977_

"Where is she?" James asked, leaning back against the Gryffindor table and craning his neck to search for the apple of his eye.

"Lily?" Remus asked, glancing over his book at the near-frantic Potter.

"Who else?" Sirius replied, subtly trying to grab the book out of his friend's hands. Honestly, school had just begun and Remus had already hit the books. Then again, the werewolf had probably spent the whole summer reading. "Jamesie here didn't see Evans on the train ride here, so he worked himself up into a tizzy over her. Though what he sees in her still remains unknown."

"I wouldn't expect you to understand, Padfoot," James said snippily. "After all, Lily doesn't have a cock."

"Hey!" Sirius barked, pouting. "I think of other things besides cock you know!"

"Really now?" Remus muttered, not even bothering to look up from his book. "Could have fooled me."

Sirius huffed, wrapping an arm around Peter, who squeaked. "Peter's still on my side though, right, Wormtail? These dickheads don't know what the hell they're talking about!"

"S-sure, Sirius," Peter said hesitantly, wondering what he had just agreed to. Why was he never paying attention to the important conversations?

"See!" Sirius exclaimed, smirking arrogantly. "Peter doesn't think I'm a total cockslut!"

"Of course not, Black; you still haven't got into the Headmaster's pants yet," a sharp, venom-laced voice said, and James almost cheered at the familiar sound of Lily's biting sarcasm. "Though at the rate you're going, that shouldn't be too far into the future."

James whirled in his seat, Lily's name on his tongue, only for the word to die as abruptly as it came. Lily… Lily had cut her hair! Her long, beautiful hair that had flowed down her back now rested in messy layers on her shoulders. And the color! The gorgeous, fiery red was now an inky black, darker than dark, without a single crimson strand in sight. James' gaze flew to her face, only to nearly shriek at the sight of her beautiful green eyes caged behind a pair of thin glasses.

The entire package was too heartbreaking to bear. James threw himself out of his chair, embracing Lily around the middle, sobbing into her stomach. The Great Hall fell into a hushed silence, and James' sobs rang loudly through the room.

"Lily, Lily, why have you done this to yourself!? Haven't I told you how much I adored you, everything about you? You were perfect and now… now… It's all ruined! Your hair, your eyes…" James looked up and started to cry harder. "Even your breasts are gone! Why!? Tell me why!?"

A delicate cough froze James in place, his sobbing coming to a screeching halt. Slowly, inch by inch, James' head turned until the horrifying sight of Lily, in all her glory, filled his sight. Just as slowly, James turned back to figure he held in his arms.

"Another Lily?" James asked, poking the specter in the forehead, causing it to yelp.

"Oh, _James_," Remus sighed, burying his face in his hands, unable to look at his friend. Sirius, on the other hand, was nearly purple as he tried to contain his laughter, eventually giving up and nearly falling to the floor in a fit of glee.

"No, Potter, he is not another Lily," Lily smirked, a hand on her hip as her eyes shone with vindictive glee. "He is Harry, a new student. You would have known that if you had attended the meeting the Headmaster had specifically told us to attend on the Hogwarts Express. Not exactly off to a good start in your Head Boy career, is it, Potter?"

"Actually, Lily," Harry said, and James almost stopped breathing at the clearly masculine voice. "I must say that I'm happy for such an enthusiastic welcome. Considering that we will be roommates for the next year, I had hoped to be met with open arms, though not to such a degree, I must confess." Harry looked down, directly into James' eyes. "Thank you, James."

James leapt back, falling into Sirius with an embarrassed blush creeping its way onto his cheeks. Sirius' rich laughter did nothing to help his situation.

"I always knew you would fall for me, James," Sirius smirked arrogantly, and James whacked him on the back of his head.

"Don't say such stupid things, idiot!" James shouted, freezing at the sound of light, tinkling laughter.

Harry laughed like a girl, James noted as he watched the new student, with a hand shielding his mouth and an arm wrapped around his thin waist. Despite that though, it fit him somehow; made him glow as he abandoned himself to his mirth in a way that was absolutely beautiful. From Sirius' quick inhalation behind him, James could tell he was thinking the same thing, and his blush returned full-force as Harry's glittering green eyes met his own.

James shook himself mentally. What the hell was he thinking, calling another guy beautiful?

"Did you say roommate?" Sirius said eagerly, pushing James to the floor. James glared up at him, childishly kicking him in the leg. "So you were sorted into Gryffindor?"

"No, Dumbledore just thought it would be a good idea to room a new Slytherin with a bunch of Gryffindors. Of course he was sorted into Gryffindor!" Lily exclaimed, and Sirius stuck his tongue out at her.

"Lily," Harry said, clasping her shoulder. James instantly frowned, disliking the familiar action. "I can answer for myself."

"Ah, sorry, Harry." Lily turned, looking apologetically at the new student. He shook his head, waving away her concerns.

"It's fine, Lily, don't worry about it," Harry reassured. "I just need to get to know my new roommates and I won't be able to do that if I can't talk to them."

"I see." Lily nodded towards the other end of the Gryffindor table, looking at Harry inquisitively. "Would you like to sit with me and my friends?"

James nearly squawked. What had this kid done to get on Lily's good side so soon! He had been trying to do that for almost four years and he had gotten nowhere!

Harry shook his head, smiling apologetically. "Maybe you can introduce me once we get back to the Common Room you were talking about earlier, no? For now, I'd just like to get to know these guys for a little while. I will be sleeping with them after all." Harry turned to the quartet. "If that is alright with you four, after all."

"Yes, on both accounts," Sirius murmured, and Remus hid a grin behind his book.

"If you're sure…" Lily trailed off, watching the Marauders as if they were wild animals, ready to pounce on the poor, unsuspecting new student.

"Don't worry so much, Evans; we don't bite." Sirius turned to Harry with a lascivious smirk. "Unless you want us to, that is."

Harry jerked back, a light blush making its way across his nose before he smiled lightly. "That was very forward…"

"Sirius." Sirius face fell slightly as he paused before pushing on. "Sirius Black."

Harry didn't even hesitate as he grabbed the hand Sirius had offered, shaking it firmly. "A pleasure to meet you, Sirius, Sirius Black."

Sirius watched him for a moment before smiling widely, pulling him down to peck him on the cheek. "So cute!"

"I'm almost afraid to leave," Lily remarked, watching the school playboy cuddle the new student to his chest.

"I'll be fine, Lily." Harry laughed as he pushed Sirius away, inadvertently scooting onto James' lap. "Go have fun with your friends."

Lily sighed and shook her head, looking at Harry one last time before she ambled over to her waiting friends.

"Geez, what did you do to get Evans wrapped around your finger like that?" Sirius asked, propping his head on Harry's shoulder to smirk at James. "Jamesie here would kill to know that secret."

"Wrapped around my finger?" Harry repeated, looking at Sirius. "I didn't do anything though."

James sighed despondently, dropping his head on the Gryffindor table. Or, he tried to, but his lapful of new student made it very hard to smash himself into unconsciousness. Just his luck; Harry got all the charisma that he sorely needed and he didn't even now he had it.

"Um, are you okay?" Harry asked as James handed him over to Sirius so that he could successful try to beat his brain out.

"Just ignore him," Remus offered, finally closing his book and setting it off to the side. "We've all found that it makes our lives more manageable if we do so."

James paused and thought about saying something sharp-witted to his friend before deciding that his time would be better spent trying to dent the table with his forehead.

"Now, Harry, you've already met James and Evans, but the bookworm over there here is our buddy Remus and this here is Peter. Don't be shy now, Peter; come say hi to Harry!" Sirius said, waving to Peter, who blushed.

"H-hello, Harry," Peter said, trying to smile. Harry looked at the small young man quietly for a long moment before offering him a solemn smile.

"Hello, Peter." Harry nodded and Peter's blush reddened. "And it's nice to meet you, Remus."

"Likewise," Remus said, politely shaking Harry's hand.

"So formal, Moony," Sirius sighed before lifting Harry up off his lap and turning him around so that they were facing each other. "As for me, you can just call me Husband."

"Do you tell that to everyone you try and flirt with, or just me?" Harry asked, smiling sweetly at Sirius' shocked look. "Because that wasn't even close to being subtle, or even effective. Nice try though."

Sirius leaned down, pressing his forehead to Harry's. "What, you don't appreciate my attention?"

"So you _were_ flirting?" Harry asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"Guilty as charged," Sirius joked, but Harry looked away briefly, tensing in his lap. "Harry?"

"It's nothing." Harry rubbed the back of his neck, biting his lip. "Nothing at all."

"If you say so…" Sirius trailed off as Harry stood up and sat down beside him. James looked up briefly at Harry, surprised by the nosedive the boy's mood had taken. What had Sirius said to him? By the look on his best friend's face though, he was just as confused as to why the new guy seemed so depressed.

The rest of dinner was marked by silence as the four friends wondered what had happened to their new roommate's earlier good mood.

* * *

Haha, did you actually think I was going to let you guys off so easily? Nope! Never! You can all wonder for the next however many chapters exactly what is going to happen with Harry now that James has fucked up reality. For now though, we have backstory!

You all must be so very excited.

I would like to say thank you to everyone who reviewed, added this story to their favorite stories or story alert lists, and to everyone who made this story part of their C2s. I'm sorry I couldn't reply to you all, but my computer shit the bed, and I'm writing this on a public computer. Let's hope no one is watching me write slash in my school's library; that would be difficult to explain!

So for everyone I wasn't able to thank personally before the viruses decided to act, thank you so much for all the support and I hope you will continue to enjoy this fic as much as I do writing it!

Thanks again guys, and I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays!

Ariaeris~


	3. Floundering

_**Hardly Able to Breathe**_

_Chapter 3: Floundering_

_There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls._

- _George Carlin_

* * *

James woke with a start, his eyes snapping open. The dorm was quiet, almost unnaturally so, and a shiver raced up his spine. He stumbled out of bed, steadying himself on one of the bedposts. What had woken him?

Under the dorm's door, a soft glow emanated, and James groped for his glasses as he stared at the light. Someone was awake? James listened carefully, nodding as he picked up Sirius' soft snoring, Remus' tossing and turning, and Peter's heavy breathing. It was no one from his dorm then.

James jolted as he carefully made his way over to the new kid's bed, swearing softly at the sight of the empty bed. Homesickness, then.

James rubbed his face tiredly, sighing in exasperation. He should go comfort the new guy; he was Head Boy after all. Besides that though, he knew how awkward it could be when you were thrown into an entirely new place and how much a friend could help. He only hoped that Harry didn't think he was too odd after his little episode in the Great Hall.

James felt a rare blush grow over his cheeks, and he hit himself lightly on the head. Why did he always feel so embarrassed around Harry? Sure, he had made an idiot of himself in public, but he did that at least twice a week. It was nothing new, and James always found it particularly hilarious when people looked at him oddly because of his pranks. Even Lily's biting sarcasm didn't affect him too much anymore.

So why did he feel like he was so childish when he was around Harry? Why did he feel like he needed to be more mature?

James shook his odd thoughts away as he crept down the spiral staircase towards the Common Room. It wouldn't do him any good to linger over questions he couldn't answer, especially when he was still half-asleep.

He placed a hand on one of the cold stone walls of the Common Room as he looked around, and his eyes were almost immediately drawn to the enormous fire raging in the largest of the fireplaces. He almost grinned as he spotted Harry in front of the fire, but the momentary happiness of being right faded as he noticed the sadness practically radiating off the slight boy.

"Harry?" James whispered, inching closer to the boy's back. He gave no sign of having heard him, so James clapped a hand on his shoulder. Harry whirled around with a soft yelp, something dark and deadly in his eyes, and James' instincts nearly screamed at him to get away. The moment his eyes landed on James though, Harry's hostile glare vanished so quickly that James wondered if he had merely imagined its presence. The furious beating of his heart refused to allow him to believe that he hadn't seen it though.

"James," Harry said softly, and James was struck by the sudden realization that he had never told Harry his name. He brushed the thought aside though; Lily had probably warned Harry about him. "What are you doing up?"

"Funny," James laughed shortly, tightening his grip on the other's bony shoulder. "I was about to ask you the same thing. It's after curfew."

"Oh? Then why are you down here?" Harry asked, and James shifted as he felt the other boy try to edge away from his grasp.

"Head Boy privileges," James explained. "Something which I don't believe you have. So why are you down here at this hour?"

Harry was silent for a long moment, long enough for James to almost believe that he wouldn't answer. Eventually though, Harry reached up to brush a lock of hair behind his ear. "I was… nervous."

"About your first day?" James asked. "You don't have to worry about anything then; the four of us will be with you every step of the way. Or, well, whenever we have classes with you, that is. But just stick around one of us; we all meet up with each other after every class, so we can all show you around Hogwarts then. And I'm sure you'll make a ton of friends."

Harry smiled briefly at his ramblings, and James felt a well of pride surge up within him.

"Thank you, James," Harry said, turning back to the fire. James stepped closer, until he was peering into it as well form Harry's side.

"What's with the fire though? You stoked it way too high," James reprimanded, embracing the side of him that instructed him to take care of Harry. He didn't question it; anyone who saw the forlornness in Harry's eyes would do the same.

Harry watched as James charmed the fires lower, staring unceasingly into the blaze as it cast shadows upon his form. "I was trying to cast aside this darkness."

James turned to question the other boy about his statement, but Harry was already walking back towards the dorm. James quickly snuffed the fire out and chased after him, casting a quick _lumos_ to light their way as best as he could.

* * *

"Well, look who has decided to join us!" Sirius exclaimed as James staggered into the Great Hall, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "We were about to send for Madame Pomfrey. Our poor James could have been in a coma for all we knew."

"Ha ha, always the funny guy, aren't we, Black?" James growled as he plopped down beside Remus, yanking a plate of waffles closer to him. A bowl of syrup was emptied over the poor, doomed breakfast material, and James went at them with astonishing vigor.

The surrounding Gryffindors watched him with mixed amusement and disgust. "Someone's in a bad mood," Sirius muttered, holding his own waffles to his chest guardedly, lest they be caught in James' merciless vendetta.

"Not bad; just tired," James said after he had swallowed a large bite of fluffy yellow deliciousness.

"At least he still has manners," Remus remarked, edging his book away from James' mouth. "Some manners, that is," he corrected as a wad of half-chewed waffle nearly hit his precious tome.

"Do you think he should slow down?" Peter asked softly, and Sirius grinned down at him.

"Nah, I'm sure he'll be fine." Sirius perked up, his lips curving into a wide grin. "And if he does start choking, then maybe he'll need CPR."

James glared quickly at Sirius, who smiled cheerily back. He resisted the urge to smack his best friend, instead searching for some of the blueberry muffins that had unofficially been named as his. No matter how the large the breakfast, James always had room for his muffins. To his horror though, they were nowhere to be seen.

An arm nudged his side, and James looked to his left, crying out in glee at the sight of a plate filled with his beloved muffins. He followed the hand holding them up a thin, white arm to meet Harry's glittering green eyes, and James felt a grin of his own appear.

"Thanks," James said in relief, and Harry shrugged.

"No problem. Besides," Harry said, swiping a muffin off the plate as he handed it to James. "I wanted one for myself before you inhaled them all."

James watched in near horror as Harry took a large bite out of the delicious looking muffin, and all of the onlookers inhaled harshly. The memory of the last time someone had tried to steal one of James' muffins was still fresh in their minds, even three years after the event. The poor seventh year had never been the same again, after all.

"Are you not going to have any?" Harry asked, his innocent tone belied by the wickedness in his eyes. "Then I think I'll have another."

James didn't let Harry have a third as he quickly began decimating the plate of muffins. Everyone who was watching breathed a sigh of relief, glad that the crisis had been averted. In the back of their minds though, the wondered what made Harry so different that he was spared James' unforgiving wrath…

* * *

"Welcome back, class," Professor McGonagall said as soon as the year's first Transfiguration class began, and James nudged Harry gently.

"This is McGonagall; she's our Head of House as well as the Deputy Headmistress. She might seem a little uptight, but she has a soft spot for me because I'm so good in her class," James said proudly, his grin vanishing at the sight of McGonagall's glare.

"Mr. Potter, is you conversation with Mr. Benedict here that fascinating that you feel that you must ignore my introduction for its sake?" James silently mulled over the new information she had given him. Harry Benedict? It was a nice enough name, but something seemed off about it to him.

"Of course not, Professor," James said cheerfully, flashing his trademarked smile. "Harry here was just a little concerned that what he had learned in his previous school might not have been up to speed with your class, and I was just reassuring him that I would help him if he was behind."

"How kind of you, Mr. Potter," McGonagall said flatly, and James knew he had messed up somehow. "Though I don't think Mr. Benedict will have any problem with this class; from what he told me last night, during the meeting you were supposed to attend as Head Boy, his private tutor has already taught him more than adequately in transfiguration. I am sure Mr. Benedict will be fine."

James slumped in his chair, ignoring the faint snickering echoing throughout the classroom. Harry smiled at him apologetically, but James shook his head, trying to tell him that it was alright. From the way his smile fell though, it seemed that Harry had misunderstood the silent exchange.

"In fact, how about you give us a demonstration, Mr. Benedict?" McGonagall said, and Harry's head snapped up, slightly pale. "When you were describing your lessons to me, I noticed that your tutor had taught you a little bit differently than Hogwarts' curriculum does. We are sorely lacking in lessons about the magic of different cultures, and I believe this will prove to be an interesting start of the year if you highlight some of the differences for us."

Harry stared at McGonagall for a long second before nodding sharply, standing up from his chair. He walked over to her, and she conjured a stone block on her desk.

"Feel free to do anything you wish with it," McGonagall instructed. Harry nodded once more, and he drew his wand and rested the tip against the block. The class watched in mild interest as he closed his eyes and whispered a single word. There were a few sighs of disappointment as he drew his wand away and walked back to his seat, but they soon changed to shocked gasps as the stone twisted and shaped itself into a thin, steel sword.

"How did you do that?" James said in amazement as Harry sat back down, looking uncomfortable at the wide-eyed stares directed at him.

"Not now," Harry replied quietly, and James let the subject dropped, noticing how on edge the other boy seemed. He scooted his chair closer to Harry's, shielding him from a few of the confused and examining gazes with his larger body. The thin smile Harry gave him was more than enough repayment, and James spent the rest of the lesson with half an eye on McGonagall and half on Harry's nervous form.

* * *

"That was amazing!" Remus, surprisingly enough, exclaimed once class was over and they were on their way to Charms. "How did you do that? What kind of magic was it? Is it teachable or does it rely on some form of inherent power? Could you teach it to us if it isn't? Can-"

"Remus, be quiet!" James demanded, and the werewolf froze in shock, his hands still in the air where he had been waving them around in his excitement. Sirius and Peter, who had been laughing quietly at the unusually enthusiastic scholar, froze as well, staring at James. "Give Harry a second to answer before you move on to the next question."

Harry, who had been about to say something along the same lines, though by far more polite, closed his eyes to dispel his irritation before speaking. "What I did was simply what was taught to me."

"But you didn't use any wand movements at all, a crucial part in most forms of spellcasting," Remus argued. "Nor did you say an incantation; just a single word."

"I willed the block to change," Harry explained, and Sirius' eyes shot over to Harry. James, who had been staring at Harry already, felt his eyes widen. "The word was a focus, my wand, a conduit. Anyone with enough willpower can do it."

And with that, Harry walked off as if he hadn't just announced a mastery over magic far beyond what Hogwarts taught, they gaze of the two Purebloods following him until he went out of sight.

* * *

Um, hi guys! Sorry my updates have been so non-existent lately, but my Internet connection is _still _down and I'm swamped with preparations for my midyears next week (although I already took my Psychology final exam and scored a sweet one-hundred on it). Not to mention my last-minute college applications... one of which I should be doing right now... heh. I decided to update instead though, so you all should be very thankful (especially considering that I should also be studying for a Precalculus test tomorrow)!

Anyway, as always, please review, because if you do, I will love you, though for a few, I already do! Thank you to everyone who has reviewed though; your reviews always inspire me when I'm stuck in writer's block/the giant pit of doom and despair known only as 'school.' I love you all!

Ariaeris~

Ps: There seems to be a common belief in fanon that the Head Boy and Head Girl have separate rooms/a suite all to themselves. I don't remember that fact ever coming up in canon (correct me if I'm wrong though!), so in this fic, James still sleeps in the Gryffindor's dorm. This may seem like a small point, but I still wanted to clarify it.


	4. Inscrutable

_**Hardly Able to Breathe**_

_Chapter 5: Inscrutable_

_Wisdom stands at the turn of the road and calls upon us publicly, but we consider it false and despite its adherents._

_- Kahlil Gibran_

* * *

"What is wrong with me?" James murmured, rubbing his eyes furiously. His glasses fell off with a clatter and he swore violently, groping for them, cursing the horrid Potter eyesight that made him as blind as a bat without his glasses. A slender, calloused hand lightly touched his, making him start. He slowly looked up, his sight, no matter how weak it was, consumed by emerald eyes.

He almost cried out, Lily's name on his tongue, but something stopped him, forced him to look closer. Those eyes, Harry's eyes - it had to be Harry, only his eyes matched, surpassed, Lily's - were filled with knowledge and ancient wisdom, almost like Dumbledore, but dulled with something James couldn't identify. Whatever it was made James' heart clench painfully in his chest, and before he knew it, he was curling his fingers around Harry's hand.

"Were you looking for these?" Harry said, and those spellbinding eyes shut as he smiled, wrenching James out of his thoughts. The Chaser blinked, confused, until the tip of his folded glasses poked him gently inbetween his eyes.

"Ah, yeah." James accepted the glasses, snapping them open and putting them in place. They fit snugly, which was a little odd considering how often they slipped down when he was jogging from class to class, but he ignored them, more concerned with not looking at Harry, nervous that Harry would look at him with those eyes again. "Thanks."

Harry blushed, shrugging his shoulders sheepishly. "No problem. Do... Do you want to talk about it?"

"Talk about what?" James asked, honestly baffled.

"I was doing homework over there," Harry answered, pointing towards the Transfiguration section of the library, "When I heard you muttering about something wrong."

James grinned, leaning forward conspiratorily. "You wouldn't be stalking me now, right, Benedict?"

"You're not that interesting, James," Harry said, leaning against the oak table James sat at, idly tracing the smooth surface with his fingertips.

"How interesting am I then, if I'm not interesting enough?" James asked, leaning back in his chair, his hands behind his head.

"Well, I still haven't figured out if you are crazy or just pretending to be, so I guess you're interesting enough to spend a passing thought on." Harry smiled, and James didn't look away in time to stave off his blush. "Now, are we going to talk, or do I have to go to Sirius to get an answer?"

"No!" James shouted, wincing when everyone in the library turned to look at him oddly. Even Madame Pince was looking, vengence in her beady eyes. "No," James said softer, "we can talk."

"You're not going to explode on me, are you?" Harry asked, pulling out a chair and flopping down on it. "Your little outburst suggests either emotional repression or stress, or both, so speak before I summon Madame Pomfrey."

James looked at Harry in horror, but the green-eyed teen merely smiled. "You'd be surprised to find how effective that threat is."

"Not really," James replied. "Who wants to be forced to drink nasty potions that do Merlin knows what to your body?"

"Generally, Potions class can help with the whole 'I have no idea what I'm even taking' thing," Harry said, and James' smile grew brighter as amusement lit up Harry's eyes in an enthralling way.

"Nah, I leave the potions for Padfoot. Give me Transfiguration any day."

Harry's eyebrow rose questioningly. "Really now? You? An academic?"

James traced his wand along the tabletop, a beautiful white rose forming in its wake. With a flick of the wrist, he summoned it to his hand, holding it out for Harry to take.

"I'm impressed," Harry said truthfully, as if he never had a single doubt in James' skill. He took the rose gently, their fingers brushing together for the briefest of moments, holding it with care.

"It's just a piece of prettied up wood, Harry," James said lightly as he watched Harry conjure a thin vase to place it in, rubbing his oddly warm knuckles absently.

Harry hummed in agreement, smiling. "You gave it to me though, so I'll treasure it forever."

James inhaled sharply, eyes flitting to the side when Harry looked at him curiously. He adjusted his glasses, trying to calm down. You... You couldn't just say such strong things without warning...

"Now, I think you've distracted me enough, James. Want to actually tell me what's wrong?"

James sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "It's nothing; I was just getting stressed for no reason."

"It's not nothing if it's bothering you," Harry reasoned. "I can understand if it's private, though. I'll leave you to your thoughts."

"It's the Quidditch team!" James blurted out. Harry froze, half in his chair and half out, and stared at him in confusion. "Robertson, our Seeker for the year, managed to get expelled before the year began, and I still haven't found a replacement. Our first game is right around the corner and if we don't have a Seeker, we might as well just throw in the towel, and I don't know what to do because, honestly, we have shitty Seekers in Gryffindor and Robertson was our best shot, and-"

"Calm down, James!" Harry laughed, eyes sparkling. "You'll kill yourself if you don't breathe, and then we'll be down two players."

James huffed, his cheeks bright red. "Sorry. Guess I needed to get that off my chest."

"Well, I'm glad you told me," Harry said firmly. "I'll be your Seeker."

"Wh- Wait, what?!" James exclaimed, looking terribly confused.

"I'll be your Seeker," Harry repeated, smiling hesitantly. "That is, if you want me to."

"Of course I want you." James blinked and shook away his thoughts. "But, um, are you any good?"

Harry chuckled, shaking his head. "I dunno. Got a few compliments here and there."

"Well then, you're on the team."

Harry stared at James, who was sporting a shit-eating grin and bouncing in his seat. "Just like that?"

"Just like that," James replied. "I wasn't kidding when I said Gryffindor has shitty Seekers. I could catch a Snitch better than some of those bums and I'm a Chaser!"

"Really? With how much you play around with that Snitch of yours, I though you'd be at least back-up," Harry mused.

"Nah," James said dismissively, leaning back in his chair. "Can't stand being Seeker. Don't have the patience or the eyesight for it."

"I see," Harry said simply, folding his hands together on the table. "So when's practice?"

"Our _game _is Tuesday," James answered, wincing at Harry's incredulous spluttering.

"Tuesday? As in, four days from now, Tuesday? How the hell do you expect me to get a broom by Tuesday?"

"Why are you looking at me?" James asked. "You're the one who offered! I wasn't even going to ask you to be on the team!"

"Why not?" Harry said, looking slightly offended.

"'Cause I didn't know if you even played Quidditch," James replied. "And even if you did, I didn't know if you were any good."

"You still don't," Harry said, looking over James' shoulder, his brow furrowed.

"Desparate times call for desparate measures," James said seriously, and Harry grinned at James' intense stare. "Besides I trust you. You're the kind of person who wouldn't offer to help if you couldn't do anything. If you say you're an okay Seeker, then you must be that at least."

Harry tensed, his eyes downcast. "So that's the kind of person you see me as," he muttered.

"Harry?" James asked, leaning closer.

"Hm?" Harry looked up, meeting James' gaze.

"What's wrong?" James said softly, and Harry looked away.

"Who said anything was wrong?"

James snorted. "When did we switch positions? I could just tell, Harry. Did I say something stupid? Quite a few people say I do that, and if I did, I didn't mean whatever I said."

Harry exhaled gently, peering at James inquisitively. "You... You're much more observant than people give you credit for."

"It's a useful skill to both have and hide," James said with a wink.

"Don't change, James," Harry said suddenly. "Don't ever change."

"Harry?" James murmured, starting as Harry rose from his seat, his rose clutched tightly in his hands.

"Sorry, James," Harry said with an apologetic smile. "Time for Ancient Runes. We'll talk later about getting me a broom, okay?"

James watched as Harry breezed out of the library, too stunned to say anything, and soon it was as if the mysterious young man had never been there at all.

* * *

Harry cursed as he sprinted around a corner, chancing a quick glance over his shoulder to see if James was following him. Someone must have been smiling down on him though, because the other boy was nowhere in sight.

What had he been thinking? Ancient Runes? He wasn't even enrolled in the class! The second James asked Remus about class, he'd be screwed. What was he supposed to do then? Blame it on a slip of the tongue? No, that might work on Sirius and Peter, considering he hadn't hung out with them too much, but James and Remus would still be suspicious. Would an _obliviate _be enough? Maybe, but it would be a temporary solution at best...

Harry slowed his frantic pacings, breathing deeply. He was panicking over nothing. Everything was still going according to plan; in fact, he had made headway that he hadn't expected to so fast. It was almost suspicious; the Map should not have been as easy as it was, but it wasn't like he was breaking into Gringotts again or anything. He was just being paranoid.

Harry grinned bitterly. Mad-Eye would be so proud.

* * *

"Padfoot!" James called, crossing the courtyard quickly, his hands stuffed into his robes. Sirius, his face in a book for once, grunted in acknowledgement. "Have you seen Benedict around?"

Sirius perked up, tossing his book to the side with a rougish grin. "My, my, what is this? James Evans'-Personal-Stalker Potter is searching not for her, but another man? Should I tell her now and let her down easy or wait until the gossip mill gets a hand on this?"

James growled, punching Sirius hard. "Ha ha, very funny; you're a bloody comedian."

Sirius smiled dreamily. "Oh, the look on The Bitch's face would be pricelss. Can you imagine it? 'Lady Black, did you know your eldest son is a _comedian! Scandalous!_'"

James snorted, shaking his head. "And a bad one at that."

Sirius frowned, holding a hand over his heart. "You know just how to break a man's heart."

"You'll get over it," James said simply. "Just go after whoever caught your eye this week."

"That's not a bad idea," Sirius mused, his long hair falling into his eyes as he leaned forward, staring at the ground. "Not a bad idea at all."

"Just don't bring them into the dorms this time," James ordered. "I saw more of you that day than I ever wanted to."

Sirius smirked cockily, leaning over James. The shorter man scowled; Sirius always did have too much fun holding the three inches that separated them literally over his head.

"Really, Jamie?" Sirius murmured, voice husky and low. "Because I think you didn't see enough."

"Whatever, loverboy," James muttered, edging away as Sirius leered at him. "Didn't you say you had someone to go after?"

"Well, let's just say I'm hoping to hit jackpot on this one," Sirius said mysteriously.

"Hm?" James blinked as Sirius jumped to his feet and started to walk away. "Where are you going?"

"To find him, of course," Sirius replied nonchalantly, waving over his shoulder as he left the courtyard.

James sat dumbstruck for a moment before getting to his feet and brushing the dirt off his pants. "Why am I the one who is always being left behind?" he asked no one, and he received no answer.

* * *

Harry paused on his way to the greenhouses, hearing someone call his name. Turning, a soft smile lit up his face instinctively, which was rewarded with a large grin from the other man.

"Sirius," Harry murmured, tilting his head to the side. "Is something wrong?"

Sirius shook his head. "I was just looking for you, Harry."

Harry blinked, pointing at himself. Sirius chuckled at how adorable he looked.

"I don't see any other Harrys around, so yes, you." Sirius' grin faded as he stared into Harry's eyes, and the messy-haired young man stood straighter under his perusal. "May I ask you a question?"

"Of course, Sirius; you can ask me anything," Harry said firmly, his eyes blazing. Sirius looked at him, and Harry was shocked as he realized that Sirius, the playboy of all playboys, was actually nervous. Sirius shook away his nerves though and took Harry's hands in his own, smirking charmingly.

"Harry, would you go on a date with me?"

* * *

Sirius, why do you always complicate everything? First it was just him play flirting with James and then with Harry, but actually asking Harry out? Very unexpected development.

Whatever. I can work it. It definitely does make for an interesting love triangle. Who knows? Maybe I'll end up making this a threesome fic...

Harry's being very mysterious though, isn't he? A mission? Something related to the Map? I wonder what's going on. Actually, you all probably do, considering I actually know what's gonna happen next, but that just makes for fun speculating!

Anyway, today is my birthday, so please be generous and leave a review. After all, I think we all know by now that genuine admiration towards something we put our hard works and souls into can be the most rewarding gift of all, and I would really appreciate it if you did. To those who have reviewed before though, thank you, and here's to hoping that the next chapter doesn't take so damn long next time!

Thanks, guys. You all rock, and I hope you all enjoyed the chapter.

Ariaeris~

Ps: Look for the next chapter of Ardent Argent coming out soon!


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